The week before I travel I always have these little regrets, things that nag at me and make me want to stay home. Like, I just met a guy and I actually like him. I have to leave in 10 days knowing full well that I might never see him again and probably never in the same capacity. Or even though I have spent the last 12 weeks training person after person to take over my job there is still nobody to take my place in my mother's company. I feel like I am throwing her to the wolves and letting her fend for herself. Little things too, like, I really enjoy feeding wild birds. Spring is the best time to feed because you can watch the birds come home then see their new hatchlings a few weeks later.
All these things by themselves don't really amount to much but when I start to think about them together the "I can't believe I am going to miss XX" start to add up.
This week has been all about setting priories for myself. Every time I start to feel bad about leaving my mom stranded in her business I have to remind myself that my future is in my hands and it's more important; besides she always figures something out. Or every time I start to think about going to El Salvador just a few weeks after I've met a really great guy I have to remind myself that life has a way of working itself out for the better and this internship is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's hard to imagine the world in my hometown continuing to function without me in it even though I know it does.
This trip feels like a really grown up thing for me even though leaving a lot of unfinished projects and loose ends back home feels really childlike. As selfish as it sounds I made a list of my priorities on my bathroom mirror 1. Me 2. Family 3. Others. It was a simple list and has helped me rid myself of the guilt I feel when I look around at my half finished jobs. Over the next few months hopefully I can break down priority 1 into a more detailed list in order to find some direction after this adventure.
All these things by themselves don't really amount to much but when I start to think about them together the "I can't believe I am going to miss XX" start to add up.
This week has been all about setting priories for myself. Every time I start to feel bad about leaving my mom stranded in her business I have to remind myself that my future is in my hands and it's more important; besides she always figures something out. Or every time I start to think about going to El Salvador just a few weeks after I've met a really great guy I have to remind myself that life has a way of working itself out for the better and this internship is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's hard to imagine the world in my hometown continuing to function without me in it even though I know it does.
This trip feels like a really grown up thing for me even though leaving a lot of unfinished projects and loose ends back home feels really childlike. As selfish as it sounds I made a list of my priorities on my bathroom mirror 1. Me 2. Family 3. Others. It was a simple list and has helped me rid myself of the guilt I feel when I look around at my half finished jobs. Over the next few months hopefully I can break down priority 1 into a more detailed list in order to find some direction after this adventure.
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